1. |
My Friend's Exes
04:22
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my friend’s exes
i.
i went to your reading last week
all your exes were there.
i made small talk with them one at a time, while their eyes searched the room
and they tried not to care.
one of them said that she remembered me being there when you had your big fight.
i remembered it too, and seeing you and your wounds. i hated that night.
ii.
you’re not having a funeral for your grandma - i hope you’re okay.
i remember her voice on the island back then, the lines on her face.
and i know you’ve been asking those questions we ask of the dead when they go.
like what did you leave here for me to believe?
well you know what you feel.
you know what you know.
iii.
now that you love someone
you love me again.
hey i think that’s beautiful, baby you love me because you love him.
don’t forget how it feels to feel lonely and small
when you see how things are.
but don’t forget how it was when you first knew it was love that can break them apart,
be still my heart.
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2. |
Down + Out
04:56
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down + out
i.
pulled the bottle from her bag
and ordered everyone an empty shot. blessed the water, filled our cups
we drank to see her off
can i stay? i’m bad at change i’m bad at everything these days so i’ll put up a fight for a while then i’ll be outta your way
i’ll be out late
down and out for days on end having trouble focusing friends they write but
i don’t answer them
ii.
i know i know
i don’t notice anything with my eyes i should do like you do see a lot when you’re quiet
can get a break
from knowing everyone’s take can i go offline forever
i’ve got nothing to say
i’ll be out late
down and out for days on end having trouble focusing friends they call but
i don’t answer them
iii.
you get lost in images
and i get trapped in words
but babe i love you
babe you’re why i’m still around you’re why i work
can i wake up one day and just have it? can it stay?
you say baby you are not your habits or your mistakes.
don’t stay out too late
down and out for days on end having trouble focusing
my best friends - i never see them sleep deprived and struggling
no excuse for this again
signs arrive, but i don’t notice them
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3. |
Lost / Left Behind
03:58
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lost/left behind
i.
there’s a part of you you left behind
you’re always trying to find.
what was it that made it go, do you remember?
did it go out all at once, or slowly fade into an ember?
ii.
still doing what I have been, still taking it all in trying to begin.
and I reach out to grab it, this sweet unsettling that keeps on coming it.
but once it starts to happen, it don’t stop happening and once you finally have it, it’s all unraveling pulling you in
lost your body tracing your own history.
so easy to look at but so hard to see.
you find other lost things that will keep you company.
iii.
the part of you you left behind you won’t find it in your mind.
find it at the end of night
in that ever still, still moving light just out of sight.
rivers carved you up where water had to flow so easy to study but so hard to know
towns and forests burned you had to watch them go so easy to tear down but so hard to grow
you’re stuck in a place you know you shouldn’t be so easy to say you’ll go, so hard to leave
find the part of you that’s missing, keep you company
oh it’s so easy to be.
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4. |
Deaths Come in Three
03:12
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deaths come in three
i.
deaths come in three i woke up to the news didn’t have any black so i wore navy blue
i decided to walk
it clears my head
and i didn’t think of a thing my phone was dead.
ii.
i know it’s been a while since i came down here
and you’ve been having a real hard time since the end of last year
and i try to tell you
but it comes out a mess
i am near even when i’m not here now get some rest.
iii.
when one thing is gone everything’s changed
why’s everyone moving around like everything is the same?
i finally leave
you’re barely awake
you ask me how long this will last as long as it takes.
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5. |
Habits + Rituals
04:00
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habits + rituals
i.
i stayed up too late
doing things that i shouldn’t. things you don’t like
things i told you i wouldn’t.
i was so late
to see i was slow.
i used to be certain but now i don’t know.
i used to know.
ii.
so everyone stop
and watch the lines blur. you always miss something
as soon as you’re sure.
everyone wants a way to heal habits die hard
rituals are real.
and so they know they know they know of course they know.
iii.
i try
to move with care. wherever i am
i wanna be there.
it seems so simple
just to notice where you are but it’s not simple
you are distant, you are far.
when you used to know you used to know
you used to know
what they all know they know they know oh i don’t want to know
no. no. no. no. no. no.
no no no. no no no. no no no.
no no no. no no no no. no no no.
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6. |
Weightless
03:25
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weightless
i.
he feels it for a long time
before he knows what it is
and at the kitchen table after months he’s finally able finds the words and as they come to him
i see the weight lift the weight lift
the weight lift
ii.
remember when we got here unfamiliar sunny skies
so if we have to go now
i’d rather disappear than say goodbye
remember when you sat me down so gently and you told me i should take this, so i took it
and i feel the weight lift the weight lift
the weight lift
and now i’m feeling weightless weightless
weightless
iii.
i feel it for a long time
before i tell you what it is
and there’s no good way to do it, so i do it and it sucks to go through it
but we knew it would
and we feel the weight lift the weight lift
the weight lift
and now we’re feeling weightless weightless
weightless
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7. |
The Same Thing
06:06
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the same thing
i.
church bells ring
sirens sing
and i am moved by everything that ever was.
ii.
hear the lonely preacher talk to his lonely little flock what a mix-up, what a shock the day can bring
iii.
they don’t believe i’m 21
laugh in my face when i say 28 and then some but i am drawn to everyone
i’ve ever met
the comatose commuters shout the train pulls in, they all get out no this is not what they’re about oh well oh well oh well
c.
everybody’s saying the same thing everybody’s saying the same thing wait, i need something to drink wait, i need quiet to think
wait
iv.
sweet greens, deep blues
she whispers softly soon soon
and from my bed we watch the trees come into bloom
yeah you get used to your mistakes
yeah it gets hard to let them go
and from my bed we watch the news oh no oh no oh no
everybody’s saying the same thing everybody’s saying the same thing wait, i need something to drink wait, i need quiet to think
wait, honey, please don’t leave i just need to get to the sea
v.
i see him playing violin
it’s 1960, it’s my grandmother’s kitchen his fingers fly across the strings
a choir sings
then without warning i’m awake
i wish i could have stayed, but okay is it too early, or too late?
go back to sleep, you say.
everybody’s saying the same thing everybody’s saying the same thing wait, i need something to drink wait, i need quiet to think
wait, honey, please don’t leave
i just need to be by the sea
where the weight of the world’s on the breeze and the waves, the waves carry me away.
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8. |
Familiar
03:46
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familiar
i.
i’ll be there in the morning to help you pack things up the furniture is piled
and ready for the truck
and they play surf guitars at christmas the sun is going down
and you remember thinking
that some things won’t be found.
ii.
how are we here again in this familiar place cigarettes in wintertime that old familiar taste
you didn’t see it coming
but now it’s come and gone
you can’t make sense of anything when everything feels wrong
iii.
trying to hold onto things
that they won’t let you keep like lately there’s no difference between awake and
asleep is where it waits for you what you forgot you felt
like winter never gets to you until it starts to melt
iv.
the days are getting longer the nights are losing steam you tell me on the phone about the battle in your dream
and how you cannot get away from it you cannot shake it loose
you cannot find peace here
so peace can look for you
v.
the drive back feels quicker
cus we know where we’re going
and there’s no one on the road tonight because of all the snow
you’ve got the owl on your dashboard two stars in the sky
a jar of ocean water
the early morning light
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9. |
I Won't Lie
06:00
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i won’t lie
i.
whatever comes after
you should know
that i’m not myself on the phone.
whatever comes next
you should say
i won’t lie
and i won’t do what i hate.
ii.
who is this for?
i don’t know wherever you are i will go.
i never learned - how do you pray? wherever you are i will stay.
iii.
can you love something you don’t know? wherever it is
i will go.
yeah i’ll float away
atop the waves
cus i won’t lie
and i won’t do what i hate.
i see the little things
i can’t explain
and feel the big things i can’t change
i see the little things
i can’t explain
and feel the big things i can’t change
i cry for little things
i can’t explain
and cry for big things i can’t change
and why is everything so strange?
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10. |
It Moves Me
03:56
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it moves me
i.
it’s the new moon that’s breaking you apart. echoes out of nowhere in a dream
and you are right back at the start.
ii.
i met her, she stayed with me
yeah once she came, she found it hard it to leave. so I don’t know what’s going on
when nothing’s here, but nothing’s ever gone.
it moves me.
iii.
but this all happened years ago, you know you know why does your stomach ache?
that’s how long it takes sometimes
it takes some time to really feel the break.
every time you choose something, you lose something you told me in my dream.
either way you lose, but if you’re lucky
you can choose which things you keep.
c:
it moves me
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11. |
I Will Be Able
04:29
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i will be able
i.
hard to hold it all together
hard to sleep well in this weather hard to think straight, hard to tell but i will be able
i will be able to
ii.
hard to tear down things that made you hard to toss out things they gave you let the river water bathe you
it is brand new
you are brand new too and you will you be able you will be able to
iii.
hard to tell you how unsteady how unsturdy, how unready how i’m passing like i’m stable how i will be better
how i will be able i will be better
i will be able too. i will be able
i will be able to.
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TJ Douglas New York
Tica Douglas returns with new album “Our Lady Star of the Sea, Help and Protect Us” on Team Love Records out May 5th.
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